And if you don't like the vintage, well, tough

Since an archaeological discovery in recent days has put King Richard III in the news (see posting below), we'll take a look at another disreputable deed attributed to this malignant monarch as he stalks haltingly through the pages of Shakespeare:

"Take that, and that: if all this will not do,
{stabs him}
I'll drown you in the malmsey-butt within."

                                                          Richard III        (I, iv)

Eliminating the people that stand between Richard and the throne proves to be a messy business: he pays two murderers to kill his brother George, Duke of Clarence, in the Tower of London. The murderers get a bit sloppy with the job and end up drowning George in a cask of wine. That made all the blood less of an eyesore, no doubt. The whole scenario did not just spring fully-formed from Shakespeare's imagination: the detail of the wine cask had already become a part of English lore regarding the crime.

Malmsey was a sweet wine with ancient Greek origins. Evidently it was well-loved by the English, whose own damp climate made a lost cause of viniculture.




Pictured above are 17th-century stoneware Bellarmine jugs from the collection of Agecroft Hall, of the type often used to hold wine. At that time, the English were said to have an intense loathing for a  Roman Catholic theologian, Cardinal Roberto Bellarmino, who had stood out among the most vociferous opponents of Protestantism. Evidently, although this caricatured style of jug had already been in existence for a long period, the English came to associate the jugs with Bellarmino, perhaps because the churchman  was bearded and fat.

Jugs with a more stern countenance were sometimes associated with the Spanish Duke of Alva, who as governor of the Netherlands was known for his harsh, draconian judicial decrees. Clearly, both styles of jugs helped the English give vent to their fondness for both humor and xenophobia.

The jugs were also referred to as "graybeards" and "longbeards," and were fairly common in Elizabethan taverns and households. They came in several sizes: a gallonier, a "pottle pot" which held two quarts, and a "little pot" held just a pint.

Whether the historical Richard celebrated his brother's wine-soaked demise with a glass of Malmsey is anyone's guess.